Subconscious Prison

They said don’t stray from the path
But I’m at a dead end
Never going right
So I head left down hill instead

They said to listen to my heart
And it’s you that it’s calling
My feet are on the ground
Why does it feel like I’m falling?

With every step I take
My destination fades away
Looking for a purpose
Not to end it all today

Living by the day
Is how the weeks go
Shattering to pieces
And trying not to let it show
The thoughts they never end
So many restless nights
A constant battle within
Its a never ending fight

Knowing I’ve put you through pain
Eats inside every day
Not going home kills me
But it’s for the better
Smoke the pain away
Times skips forward
As I blink my eyes
I miss a thousand memories
That could have been
And I know that I’m in denial

Years of abuse
I can’t even count the substances
Aware of the truth
I’m missing something
And can’t stand it
These riddles, confusion
Puzzles with my hands
Kicking to get away
But their holding me down
Trapped in this far away land

Their grasp has got me
Between reality and death
Anxiety won’t leave me
Valiums damaging my health
Too busy chasing love
Always dreaming of wealth
But money means nothing
If you don’t even have a friend
Morals like an animal
Just leave me to myself

I can’t control it
And the hold makes me fold
Can’t deal with the cards I’ve been given
Luck is on my side but
These thoughts are negativity driven
Only motivation I have
Everyone needs something
And I’ve come from nothing
Strong from the past shit

I gave myself to you
So that I could not hurt myself
But now I’m dead on the inside
And I really need some help
I can’t keep fucking drinking
My heart it drowns, it’s sinking
And I’m so over over thinking
Death will be my new beginning

I will walk free from the past
I will take off their chains

The skies will rain with blood
As helpless they take me
You cannot sedate me
I’ve been trapped here all along
And I fucking hate it.

About Amethyst Wilton

IT student from the Blue Mountains. I write poetry, lyrics, draw and paint.
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